Why is it so hard to look after ourselves?

A couple of weeks back I wrote on here about ideas for managing stress. My tips on coping are very simple and the benefits are well documented, so...why is it so hard to put into practice?

The simple answer is that it's hard to take care of someone you don't really like. That's why your partner, your kids, your friends, your extended family, your pets, your boss, your colleagues - hey, just about anyone - can all slide into priority spaces ahead of you. Ever noticed yourself putting your self care at the bottom of the to-do list? Like it's the thing that you'll do once you've taken care of everyone else? It's because you've got a sneaking suspicion they all deserve to be cared for more than you do.

It's a really common problem. Whether it's because you weren't shown love when you were a kid, or you blame yourself for difficulties in your life, or you just don't seem to measure up to the ideals you think you should, it can be very hard to love yourself.

That's right - LOVE yourself. It even feels a bit icky saying it if you deep down feel you aren't loveable.

But loving yourself is the very basis of feeling content and balanced, because it leads to good self care. You treat the people you love well, and that includes yourself.

So what can you do if you know you're not your own best friend? If making time to look after yourself is always on the backburner?

Start by putting yourself back at the top of the priorities list. Whether it's a 10 minute nap, half an hour with a coffee and a book or a 5k run you need, do it first. See how it feels!
Tell yourself how important you are. You don't have to do this out loud! But YOU are important, and the more you remind yourself, the more you'll believe it.
Look after yourself little and often. Ten minutes of self care every day is more beneficial than a monthly spa day (as lovely as that sounds too). Building up the habit of self care is key.
Ask yourself what you need to feel taken care of. It's different for everyone. Eating well, sleeping well, connecting with others and doing some fun exercise are common needs, but you'll likely have personal ones too.
Be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. With practice, it'll get easier!

Photo by damedeeso/iStock / Getty Images

Apr 26, 2023

Writing for Wellbeing: continuing independently

Unfortunately my Writing for Wellbeing course at the University of Cardiff had to be cancelled. While it was a disappointment to have the course stop in week 3, I felt I could continue writing independently. Do you have a writing practice? How does it help you?

Jun 16, 2021

What is a first counselling session like?

It can be nerve racking turning up for your first counselling appointment. You're going to meet a perfect stranger and begin telling them all sorts of things about yourself. So how do you start?

Mar 17, 2021

What it means to be a Pink Therapist

I recently became an Accredited Gender, Sex and Relationships Therapist with Pink Therapy (often called a Pink Therapist for short!) which means I am able to specialise in working with LGBTQI+ clients. So what does this mean for my practice?

Dec 16, 2020

A day or two in the life of an online therapist

Are you thinking about becoming a counsellor? Perhaps you’re already in training. Or you might simply be wondering what we get up to all day and what being a therapist online these days is like. Here are a couple of typical days in my current experience.

Nov 21, 2020

Let's ALL talk about menopause

It’s about time we ALL talked about menopause to dispel some of the myths around it: that it makes us “crazy”, that only women go through it and that the experience is the same for everyone.

Sep 23, 2020

Living slow

I’ve been trying to slow myself down and live at a more relaxed pace recently. But how did I do this? And what benefits and pitfalls have there been?

Helpful articles

Featured Posts